#IMWAYR: Lavender Clouds!

GUYS!!! I READ A BOOK!!! I actually do that sometimes, here on this book blog!

I was at the bookstore with a friend recently and saw this book hiding on the shelf, and it called to me. So rather than shoving it into my own stuffed bookcases, I actually read it, thereby proving the impermanence of my reading slump.

So let's talk about the book!

Lavender Clouds

Comics about Neurodivergence and Mental Health

Written and illustrated by Bex Ollerton

Young adult/adult · Graphic memoir · 2024

Add it on Goodreads · Preview the illustrations

· · · The publisher says: · · ·

A dazzling, humorous, and highly personal portrayal of neurodivergence from a leading voice in mental health comics.

Eisner Award nominated author Bex Ollerton—known as @Schnumn to her thousands of followers—is a talented comic artist who feels energized and courageous on some days and exhausted and emotionally depleted on others. In Lavender Clouds, she translates her experiences with Autism, ADHD, and mental health into a series of colorful, emotionally resonant comics that tell stories of neurodiversity and resilience.

With a tone that is sharp but always sensitive, this debut book collection describes the many insights and strategies the author has learned on her journey to self-acceptance. Among the many topics addressed in the book are the folly of “foolproof” organization strategies, the perils of burnout, the joy of small hopes, and the importance of growing at your own pace and on your own path.

· · · · · ·

Is it bad to give people a sad, emotional book as a gift? Because I didn't realize how much I needed this book until I found it, and I suspect many people I know would feel the same way. I'm honestly afraid of letting this book disappear into the ether of "past books I've read and don't think about." I want to leave my copy out like it's a coffee table book, so I can flip through it and remember and re-remember what these comics taught me, so I can truly internalize it.

Lavender Clouds is a graphic memoir, but what's interesting is that it's a collection of disparate comics, rather than a single story. The comics do evolve as the book progresses, but each comic is its own little bite-size explanatory or exploratory snapshot. Which is helpful for telling a story about mental health, because I can say from experience that mental health struggles make for a pretty boring and depressing story—negative thoughts, spiraling, more negative thoughts, more spiraling. How repetitive. Bex Ollerton certainly captures that feeling as she depicts mental health challenges, but she infuses many spreads with silliness and dark humor, and others with deep insight, and others with empathy and compassion. In doing so, she fills the book with the nuances of humanity that mental health conditions try so hard to take away from us.

There's an astounding number of comics in here I want to bookmark or revisit. Ollerton explores pressures of productivity and accomplishment, and how incredibly hard and overwhelming even simple tasks can feel when your mental health is low. She relates this issue to comparing oneself against others, when really, we're all allowed to take our own paths that go to different places, and at different speeds. Ollerton explores negative self-talk and how debilitating it can be. She explores how mental health relates to our relationships, and those moments when people don't show up for us, or when we don't show up for them. She explores the challenges of communication and how neurodiversity or mental health can make interactions so much harder. She explores the little ways we can take care of ourselves, and push back against the spiral. And she explores how healing can be uneven—there are so many setbacks, and they are so frustrating to endure. But just as the setbacks are inevitable, so too is the forward progress.

What I really appreciate about Lavender Clouds is its accessibility. Nothing in this book is subtextual—Ollerton puts into words SO MANY experiences I and others I know have had, but rarely talked about or heard others talk about. I think Ollerton models in her comics what we have to do in our own journeys of healing—call out our automatic patterns and thoughts that we don't even notice, so we can finally notice them, and finally do something about them. I think this book could truly change lives, because so many people are going to find a handful of comics in here where they go, "Oh. That's me. That's what I've been feeling all this time."

Just to highlight a few spreads that personally hit home for me, on p. 24, Ollerton describes how easy it is to think of yourself as "awkward," and in doing so, to blame yourself for other people's social slip-ups. Seriously, the amount of times I walk away from a slightly dull or stilted conversation and think, "I'm so awkward, why didn't I do that better?"—when really, it was that I was doing fine, and conversations are a two-way street! (With no shade toward whoever the conversation partner is—it's just that I need to not throw shade at myself either.)

Also, on p. 34, Ollerton writes to a hypothetical individual, "My inner critic speaks with your voice." And on p. 110, Ollerton writes, "I overcame so much and worked so hard and I just want someone to tell me they're proud of me for getting here." I have wanted people's approval so much, and heard their disapproval so vividly in my head—when of course, so much of that disapproval is my own insecurity, hiding behind whatever voice will make me feel worst. I'm going to be bringing these quotes to therapy, because the first quote is a pattern I knew I have, and the second quote is a pattern I didn't see in myself until I read these words.

I know that my whole thing is telling you each week how much you have to read xyz book because it's incredible and amazing and life-changing and earth-shattering, and I know I'm doing it again here and it's sort of like the boy who cried "wolf." (I'm the boy who cried "book.") But this time is different, because I haven't told you how much you have to read xyz book for two-and-a-half months, and therefore my track record is reset, and this time can be the time the book is really, really, REALLY, exceptionally amazing unlike all the others! 🤪

In all seriousness, I don't know if Lavender Clouds is more or less affecting and life-changing than any other book. But literally, what is one of the core lessons of this book, if not to stop comparing everyone and everything to everyone else?! So no comparisons here. In a vacuum, where your endless TBR lists and my completely full bookshelves do not exist...in a vacuum where it's just me and my thoughts and this book...this book made me cry, and it made me feel seen, and it made me feel like the hurdles of life that feel insurmountable maybe aren't. I want this book to follow me through the next chapter of my life, because I need to hear what it has to say. I don't know if I'll be smart enough to actually bring it along...but for now, the dream is enough.

Other random things!

I am falling over myself with excitement because I BOUGHT A BAG!!!!! It is the Via Workpack by Bellroy. It has not arrived in the mail yet, but rest assured, I will be obsessively checking the tracking number. It's sort of half-backpack, half-tote bag, and it theoretically has space for all of my stuff without being too big, with a mix of large open spaces and small organizational pockets, AND it's actually cute, unlike my current bags! I realized my bag situation was out of hand—I have a backpack that's not cute and is way too big, and a messenger bag that's also not cute and is a touch too small and disorganized. And my bag needs have become kind of complicated. Sometimes I need my usual laptop for class. Sometimes I need my giant work laptop and my mouse for work. Sometimes I need a change of clothes for yoga class. Sometimes I need a change of clothes AND my lunch bag. I also need an umbrella, and my Auvi-Qs, and car keys, and this and that and the other. And I feel like I'm spending too much of my life moving things between bags, and shoving things into bags that are too small, and forgetting to unpack bags, etc. It's time for a change, and hopefully this will be a good one!

Also, I have so many books to look forward to in 2025... One by Raina Telgemeier, one by Aliza Layne, one by K. O'Neill, two (TWO!) by Rebecca Stead (which I didn't even remember to mention here, good grief)...AND NOW I've discovered we're getting one from Gwen Tarpley too! It's called All Are Welcome, and it's the sequel to her delightful comics collections Cat's Café and One Cup at a Time. (All of which would pair great with Lavender Clouds—they're also sets of individual one-page comics with an emphasis on mental health and compassion, though these skew more positive and have cute animal characters!) How am I supposed to function with all these books coming soon, y'all...it's off-the-rails.

And lastly...

The Kidlit Lovers' Meetup!

We had a wonderful sixth Kidlit Lovers' Meetup this past Saturday! I'm really grateful to the folks who showed up for being such a constant presence in this space, and always being willing to share openly. We've had such great discussions, and I'm so excited for our next meetup!

On that note, I'd like to get the December meetup scheduled! So if you're interested in joining us, please fill out this scheduling survey by Wednesday night, so I can choose a day and time that works for as many folks as possible. You can learn more about the meetups here.

Thanks in advance for providing your availability, and I hope to see you in December!

That's all for now! Have a happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate, and thanks for stopping by! ✨✨